Instinct

Don’t waste your time or money by going to see Instinct. For those of you who ignore my advice, here’s something to do while watching this schlock film:

Make a mental note of every picture that is shamelessly ripped off during its two plus hours. I’ll help you get started. To begin with, there’s Silence of the Lambs, Gorillas in the Mist, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, Shawshank Redemption, Cool Hand Luke, Awakenings, Nell, and Mighty Joe Young. Throw in a cartoon episode from "Magilla Gorilla" for good measure.

"Suggested" from the best selling novel, "Ishmael," the story follows the tribulations of Dr. Ethan Powell (Anthony Hopkins), an anthropology professor who goes ape by studying primates in the jungle of Rwanda.

Wearing a wig left behind in central wardrobe by Sean Connery in The Rock, Powell’s ambiance is disrupted by a group of "park rangers" who proceed to shoot his hairy friends. Isn’t Rwanda the country where a recent civil war took the lives of over a half million civilians? I guess the park rangers took the day off from killing people to practice on gorillas instead.

Powell doesn’t monkey around; he proceeds to kill two rangers. Under arrest, he is released to the State Department and transported back to this country. Arriving at Miami Airport, Powell proceeds to remodel the airport lounge when he goes on a simian rampage. You would think the airline had lost the professor’s luggage. Which begs the question, how does a 61 year old professor get the strength to manhandle two dozen airport cops? Pass me a banana, please. Make that two.

At this point we move to the Harmony Bay Correctional Facility. All of the stereotype brutal guards and a corrupt warden from the aforementioned prison flicks appear. Not to mention the weird, yet lovable, inmates who look and act like rejects from the casting call of a "Three Stooges" remake.

Young psychiatric stud Dr. Theo Caulder (Cuba Gooding Jr.) spends the rest of the movie trying to unwind the mystery behind the silent Powell. Gooding proceeds to spend the rest of the movie reminding viewers that his strength as an actor is in playing supporting roles, not as the leading man.

Here’s a suggested alternate activity: Go to the video store, spend three dollars and rent Waking Ned Devine, a movie that Tinseltown did not see fit to screen last year. I accept the "thank you" in advance.